Dear 2015…

Dear 2015,

I always have hopes at the start of every year to be productive, to be successful and to make a true effort to have the best year I can. No one intends to have struggles; to have to face demons they never imagined.

But you brought me more than I ever expected. More than I ever imagined for my life. 

You brought me struggles. You brought me late nights of tears and doubt in myself and my marriage. You brought me to my knees, crying out to God: begging Him to change my circumstances. To fix the broken parts of my life and my heart and to take hold of and mend what I had once thought was the path chosen for my life.

You brought me to a dark place. You brought me to true thoughts of ending my life; brought me to a dark room with the weapon in my hand and you had brought me to unstoppable tears because I knew the point I had gotten to in that moment wasn’t who I was deep down. 

 You see, I once loved life. I once loved myself so much, I never struggled with self esteem. I never doubted myself, never doubted who I was becoming as a grown woman. 

But 2015, you brought me to my lowest point and ultimately, you brought me to a crossroads:

To continue living a life controlled by the stuggling; the depression; the anxiety and the ugly panic attacks that goes with it; to the sleepless nights and to looking at a long life of all of these things, knowing they would never end. 

Or to change everything. To taking control of my life again. To accepting the things I couldn’t change; to calmly sitting back and watching my life fall apart and slowly pick myself back up again. 

So I took the only real option there was…

2015, aside from all the hurt and heartache you initially brought me, you brought me the best year of my life. 

You brought me freedom from the dark place I had been in. You brought the smile back I had lost within the depression I had found myself in. 

You brought me peace within my soul and you brought the sunshine after the storm. You brought the song that now fills my heart, full of joyful noise. 

You brought me the best man I’ve ever known in my life. You brought us the start of our lives together; giving us a love story I never thought I would be blessed enough to be apart of. 

You brought me everything I never knew I was missing and for that: I’m forever thankful. I can be grateful for the bad you brought me, 2015, because in turn, you brought the best chapter of my story. 

So for every single thing you brought me, 2015, thank you.